How To
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Will Egypt carry out hundreds of death sentences handed down?
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A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Slow down, Bart! My legs…
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Iraqi journalist shot dead in Baghdad
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It’s only a model. No, no, no! Yes, yes. A bit. But she’s got a wart. He hasn’t got shit all over him. Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone! The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that…
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A Leela of Her Own
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Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away! Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn’t I break his legs? Tell them I hate them. Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn’t rock. The Honking Hey, guess what you’re accessories to. I…
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Scarlett Johansson Opens Up About Her First Fully Nude Role In ‘Under The Skin’
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Keep your mind limber. Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter. This man is a knight in shining armor. Keep your mind limber. You all right, Dexter? Born Free Watching ice melt. This is fun. Oh I beg to differ, I…
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The Age of Steel
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Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. Saving the world with meals on wheels.…
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Key aides from Putin’s inner circle targeted in new round of EU sanctions
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Revenge of the Sith
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I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my only link to finding their secret base. Don’t underestimate the Force. You don’t believe in the Force, do you? The Force Unleashed In my experience, there is no such thing as luck. What good is a reward if you ain’t around to use…
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Facebook to buy virtual reality firm Oculus VR for $2 billion
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Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them. Natural…
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Fighter jets intercept plane that breached summit flight restriction
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Apparently This Matters: Instagram’s favorite grandma
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I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of…